Journaltime

This is a place where a career, stay-at-home-work-at-home, former homeschooler, almost empty nester, rapidly passing through middle age, mom finds an outlet for the thousands of daily, unspoken words.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Doggone It!

Today I am posting an e-mail I received from my son, Jeremy, the other day that is just too good not to share! Enjoy!!

I am currently dogsitting (and housesitting) in Bloomington. I've told a couple of you about the dog, named Maggie, who is so old, so blind, so deaf, and so almost-dead that each time I see her sleeping I have to watch really closely to see if she is breathing (and after last night, cross my fingers and hope that she has died.)
I arrived home around 10 last night. As usual, the dog had gone to the bathroom all over the kitchen. Great. "MAGGIE!!!!" I screamed, trying to rouse her from her nap, "IT'S TIME TO GO OUTSIDE... MAAAAAGGIE!!!" She doesn't move. I wonder if she is dead. She isn't.
12 AM: I am awakened at midnight from a deep sleep by a very loud and scary, methodical noise. My first irrational thought is, "Someone has broken in. This is OK." My second thought is, "Wait a second... what is that?" My third thought is, "Maggie. Stupid Maggie." I get out of bed and stagger into the hall to find Maggie standing in the hall with her head in the closet, wheezing louder than an old man with asthma. I touch her lightly and she stops making the horrendous noise. I pull her head out of the closet and try to lead her to her bed. After about 10 minutes we make it the 10 feet and it takes her 5 minutes to lay down. I wash my hands and go back to bed.
3 AM: I begin to wake. I hear a familiar noise. Groaning... loud groaning. I throw my angry legs over the bed and stalk down the hall to find her. I find her, standing into a corner, moaning. I touch her and she jumps... I wonder if I've given her a heart attack. I sort of hope I have. I lead her back to bed, and when I get there, I notice blood on it. Ugh. She won't lie down. In fact, she walks into the kitchen and towards the door. I race ahead of her and throw it open (so she won't walk into the glass). She stumbles outside, falls down a makeshift ramp that covers the stairs, and disappears into the darkness. I fall back into bed and fall asleep.
4 AM: I awake with a cringe. A blood-curdling noise is echoing in the night. It takes me a second to gather my thoughts, and try to expel the thought of driving to Wal-Mart, buying a shotgun, sawing it off, and shooting that damn dog. I resist. The pained yowl rises again... I stick my head out the door and yell as quietly as possible... "Maggie!" It doesn't work. At this rate the neighbors will be up in no time. I suppress my rage, run to my room, grab my pants and shoes, pick up a flashlight, and run into the backyard to find the dog. The beam pierces the darkness and I find... nothing. Where is she? I fight a couple of dating bushes and suddenly there is is, TRAPPED in the bush, yowling for help. I free her and lead her inside. On the way she trips UP the ramp/stairs but successfully locates the door. Walking down the hall, she finds her bed and stands in it. I try to sleep... no luck. I hear the dog. I look down and notice she is trying to stick her head inside my shoe. Whatever.
The sun rises and I'm up... again. Maggie has found a place to sleep and is doing so quite soundly. I step over her and find my shoes. I check my left shoe before pulling it on, remembering Maggie's curiosity... I quickly check my right shoe and then do a double-take. Strange piles of unknown substance have been deposited into my $70 shoe. I suppress more rage, pick a different pair, grab my keys, and leave the house for work.
Look for more, ADVENTURES WITH MAGGIE.
Also look for, MAGGIE'S LAST STAND and MAGGIE AND THE BUTCHER

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