May Is Done and Spring Has Sprung

My favorite month has come to a close. What a month it has been- full of ups and downs, unseasonably cool weather and groanings sometimes too deep for words! On May 1 I wrote. "As the world comes alive with leaves and flowers, I long for new life to begin in my husband's body. New spiritual life and fervor has indeed been birthed in us both as we've been abiding ever closer to the Vine. But wouldn't it be great if physical vitality would match that and he would indeed have his "youth renewed like the eagles - that he would run and not be weary, walk and not faint?" The early weeks of May held more doctor appointments, more disappointments, more difficulties without much relief from the relentless sickness....until a few days ago. Steve began to feel better. He was up and around more - involved in life more. Time for his six-month colonoscopy (don't you wish you could be on that schedule?) We didn't have high hopes but were not full of dread or fear either. We were rather peaceful as though whatever happened would be okay. (That HAD to be supernatural - especially for me) The procedure went well and there was no subsequent fever or illness as had happened six months ago. The doctor said there were "no surprises" in the process and would call us as soon as the lab reports came in. We expected to have to wait over the weekend, but we are accustomed to the waiting game. Friday afternoon, Dr. McCabe called and very matter of factly stated, "Nothing alarming seen - no dysplagia - just mild active colitis." Wow! Dr. McCabe was not impressed with his findings as he is convinced that once a person is diagnosed with dysplagia (as Steve was a year ago or so) one has it - it doesn't go anywhere. "This doesn't change the fact that you still need surgery," he said. Of course, we've been told that surgery isn't an option for Steve because of his other complicated health problems....it's just too risky. And that's why this news is so fantastic! Well, whatever the future holds, we know God has once again done an amazing thing and we are so grateful. Steve felt so good yesterday, he said he was almost euphoric! Maybe soon he will be running without getting weary and walking and not fainting! Nothing is impossible with God!

And so May finished with a dash of real spring for us! Looking forward to June. I wonder what wonderful surprises God has planned.

Uncertainty

I am encouraged and motivated to trust God with the uncertainties of life just now. How did I come to that? Two reasons: One is the sermon Pastor Vargas gave last Sunday at our church on Philippians 4. You know the familiar passage we often read but don't put into practise? "Don't worry about anything, pray about everything." Here are his main points: 1) Take your worries and turn them into prayers. 2) Set your mind on positive truth (see Phil 3:8 which tells us the kinds of things we are to think about. Worry is negative meditation.) 3) Surrender. If it's in your hand, it means it's not in God's hand. Surrender doesn't mean giving up, it means releasing control. Number three is definitely the biggie. Surrender means that I quit praying for what I want and dictating to God how He needs to act, and start seeking Him for who He is and letting Him do what He does best - MY BEST.

My second reason for ability to trust God with uncertainty, at least at this moment, comes from the insites and encouragement of a book called "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day." There's so much good stuff in it, I can't begin to summarize. But here a few goodies:

1. Opportunities often look like insurmountable obstacles.
2. Someday we may be as grateful for the bad things as the good things, because the bad things helped prepare us for the good things.
3. We should stop asking God to get us out of difficult circumstances and start asking HIm what He wants us to get out of those difficult circumstances.
4. Prayer is less about changing our circumstances and more about changing our perspective.
5. Worship is forgetting about what's wrong with you and remembering what's right with God.
6. Stop spending all your energy making plans for God, and start seeking God.
7. Your explanations are more important that your experiences. While you can't control your experiences, you can control your explanations.

I could go on and on and I'm only half way through the book! Anyway, for this moment I am okay with uncertainty. As long as I can keep turning my worries into prayers and surrendering control to God, I may be able to remain okay. How are you doing today?

Divine Appointment

I am amazed at how God orchestrates divine appointments. He knows just what we need at just the right time. I was discouraged, sad, fearful and a little angry last week. It seemed that no matter how much we prayed, God was not on the move. Steve was feeling poorly - more of the same and some newer discomforts. We were both weary of the battle, tired of the fight and in a figurative way, ready to check out. Whatever that means, it is sometimes a comforting thought in an odd sort of way. I was to meet a friend of mine, Laurie, for lunch last Friday. She and I don't know each other well, and see one another seldom as she lives in Iowa. We have kept in touch via email and have prayed for each other during some pretty tough times. Laurie recently went through a scary bout of cancer and we rejoiced in God's healing work in her life. She was in the area for a doctor's appointment and had brought a good friend along, Nancy, whom I had never met. My mood that day was less about meeting friends for a good time, and more about getting out of the house for a change of scenery. As soon as I saw Laurie and met her friend, though, I knew it was going to be a great couple of hours. There were hugs all around, even between strangers and assurances of concern and prayer for us. Our conversation moved easily from the every-day frivolous to the stuff that really mattered. Nancy shared her testimony with me of how God healed her just a few months ago of a serious brain concussion. She had been driving her business van and was rear-ended by a Mack Truck! She went from a confident, self-sufficient, successful business woman to a shut-in, in that moment. The pain in her head, the magnified sounds in her ears kept her secluded for three months. During that time, God revolutionized her life and ultimately healed her. I shared some of Steve's story (it's really "our" story) and I can almost feel the faith welling up inside her. "It's time to go to battle," she says. "I feel such faith for this man I've never met. You are at the end of your trial - God is going to do something great." She prayed with great conviction, authority and faith. We parted friends and I decided that I want to grow up to be this kind of woman! Faith - joy - optimism spilling out every pore!

Steve started to improve and has had a few better days. He looked at his most recent blood tests at the doctor's office today and many of his levels have improved significantly. He has more energy than before and some of his symptoms seem to be lessening. We are encouraged to press on, to persevere and never give up. If God is FOR us, who can be AGAINST us? The battle is the Lord's - and He has won it!

Praise God for divine appointments. He knows just what we need at just the right time.

Blackbird Bluff

I pulled my car into the parking lot of a very lovely little park, where I was to meet a dear friend of mine whom I hadn't seen in over a year. A sleek shiny blackbird on the grassy area in front of me caught my attention. He was busy pecking at a small wad of bread, enjoying an unexpected treat, I'm sure. A much larger blackbird circled him menacingly - moving in closer, then hopping back. I could almost hear his bird voice squawking, "Drop it buddie and I mean now!" I wondered why the smaller bird seemed oblivious. He was not in the least frightened and he continued to enjoy his dinner. After a moment, the bully bird backed off and he was suddenly the same size as the other bird. He had puffed his feathers out in an attempt to look big and scary. The smaller bird knew he was a bluff and a phoney and paid him no mind.

I immediately thought about how the Bible describes our enemy, Satan, as a roaring lion, prowling around looking for someone to devour. A lion who roars is not to be feared because he has given his presence away allowing his prey time to escape. When we are in tune with God, we don't need to fear Satan's tactics. We will hear the roar a mile away and and take appropriate action to see to his defeat. Satan's roar is not to be feared because compared to God, he is all black bird bluff. Let's pay him no mind!

The Doctor's Appointment

Doctor appointments have become a bad habit with us these days and believe me, they are NOT my favorite thing to do. I've read about people who take a purse full of Gospel tracts with them when they are undergoing series of treatments or are on a course of follow-up appointments, and share the love of Jesus both in smile and word. They are such a testimony to the love of God and the peace that only God can give in grave circumstances. I envy such people. I'm certainly not one of them. I am in endurance mode from the moment I leave the house. My face and words do not reflect perfect peace - more of a "I can't wait to get this over with" look. (I hope God understands my inability to be a medical witness.) Anyway, today was supposed to be a sort of conclusive appointment. You know, the kind when all the various specialists have completed their investigations, written their reports, faxed them appropriately, discussed the case thoroughly and come to a united conclusion. I must admit I had my doubts on the drive up. How many times in the past have we walked into a doctor's office to discuss a scan, some bloodwork or other test, only to have the doctors say, "I haven't seen any reports on that yet." What!? Doctor so-and-so assured us he would have that sent over pronto! And so it goes....Anyway, my doubts were confirmed when the doctor walked into the room this morning and announced a conclusion he had gleaned from another specialist that was flat out opposite of what we had been told! This doctor had not seen any reports, read any conclusions, seen the MRI or ultra-sound test results and seemed almost clueless. AAAGGGHHH!!! He changed his mind a couple of times as to his recommendations and called in another doctor in the office to take a look see and give an opinion. Goodness sakes! I've concluded that doctors are overloaded with sick people. It must be too hard to keep everything straight. I think Mr. Doctor's cell phone rang at least five times while he was with us. He only got into a conversation once; the other times he checked to see who it was, mumbled something about calling them back and got back to us.

Are we supposed to entrust our lives into the care of people who are flawed?! Doctors who are overloaded and who can't possibly handle all of the details involved in each patient's care? Thanks goodness, we are not! We must trust God with our lives. He is the Great Physician. Doctor Jesus doesn't forget or make mistakes. We have cried out to Him afresh tonight to be our Deliverer, Savior, Healer, Helper, Strength. Oh, how we need him.

May Day

Today is the first day of my favorite month. Every year I try to stretch each May Day to the max. I strive to notice every nuance of spring emerging - to hang on to the time. Alas - each year the month flies by just as the others do. How I long for miracles this May. As the world comes alive with leaves and flowers, I long for new life to begin in my husband's body. New spiritual life and fervor has indeed been birthed in us both as we've been abiding ever closer to the Vine. But wouldn't it be great if physical vitality would match that and he would indeed have his "youth renewed like the eagles - that he would run and not be weary, walk and not faint?" Someday every day will be May Day - not in the sense of emergency - but in the sense of fresh, new, fragrant blossoms and never ending beauty. What a great reward awaits us as we are faithful to Him. Thank you, God, for May and the promise of new life and an eternity of joy.