Things I Want To Learn

Okay, now for a list of "things I want to learn" during this trial:

1. I want to learn how to experience true JOY in the middle of it....not just from memories of past miracles, or from the expectation of a better future, but NOW. God is a God of the present - He is Jehovah Shammah - the God who is always there. He is a "very present help in time of need."

2. I want to learn to really trust God always - not for what He does for me - but for WHO HE IS! I want to learn to seek His face rather than His hand.

3. I want to learn how to "gird up the loins of my mind." I am a master of what I call "bird walks" of the mind. (Others probably call those "bunny trails.") I can go down a path of fearful thoughts and scary scenarios faster than the speed of light.

4. I want to learn to see other's needs glaring above my own - to take my thoughts off of myself and what I want - and focus on others.

5. I want to learn to automatically see the positive things, without having to go digging!

6. I want to know God so well that my first reponse to any situation is one of faith, not fear.

I'm sure there will be more but this is enough for now!

Positively Sick!

There must be some positives to living with chronic illness. I decided to dwell on those rather than on the many negatives (like watching someone you love suffer). So I'm going to wrack my brains and come up with a good, positive list:

1. There's signifantly more time spent together. This allows time to read and pray together more often, have more conversations in general.

2. Shared time in the kitchen! It's great to have someone else around to rinse dishes, load the dishwasher, etc.

3. More meaningful and more frequent connection with friends and family. Phone calls, emails, hugs, concerned inquiries are all wonderful.

4. Reconnection with friends from the past. We received a phone call last night from an old friend we haven't communicated with for probably close to ten years. He said, "You've been on my mind for the last three weeks!" Wow! It's great to be remembered!

5. Recipients of a lot of prayer! To think of the number of people praying for us is humbling. It's also a reminder to me - am I remembering to pray for others and their needs?

6. Greater need for God! This is always good because it drives us to our knees more earnestly, more frequently and desperately than ever before.

7. Increased love of the Word! Finding those nuggets of Truth and feeding on the Bread of Life keeps us going.

8. Experiencing the peace of God beyond understanding. How can one ever know that kind of peace unless one is in a situation that defies peace in the natural?

9. Better understanding of the Body of Christ and the necessity of its proper function. There is nothing worse than feeling isolated in a time of trial. When the Body is working, there's the sense of "we're in this together."

10. Heaven is looking better all the time! Paul said he longed to go and be with Christ. Hmmm...can't say I really LONG for that right now - but the feeling is growing.

11. Realization that things could be MUCH WORSE! So learning to be grateful for every little thing - from the privilege of watching a movie, attending church together, running an errand, doing laundry, eating together, talking politics (like we know so much :) and the economy (don't get that at all!). Here's a biggie: NOT being bedridden. Lots of stuff to be grateful for.

I'll add more things another time as they come to me! Remember to give thanks IN and FOR everything!

Weakness = Strength

Do you ever feel like there's so much going on in your world that you are unable to separate your thoughts and feelings into any semblance of order? I usually like to analyze significant moments and hopefully glean some new truths from them...you know, make some logical, spiritual sense out of things as they happen. For a couple of months now, I've been living in a kind of fog. Circumstances are very uncomfortable, worrisome, the future unknown. I don't like this place. I want to know the why's, the when's, and that all my what if's are really "no problem." I have shed more tears, prayed more desperately and felt more helpless than ever before. I realize that I have no control over most of what happens in life....and definitely no control over what is happening now.

Now that I think about it, this place that I'm in is probably the place God wants me. It's not comfortable and I don't like it. You see, I am weaker, more dependent on God and less self-reliant, more prayerful, more desperate for God than I've ever been. Then I think of Paul's words, "I glory in my weaknesses, because when I am weak, then I am strong." So from God's perspective, I'm stronger than I've ever been. Hmm.....

The Snow Unstorm

The snowfall yesterday, although mild and relatively harmless to a seasoned Minnesotan, became something significant for me. The snow fell gently, accumulating just a few inches. There was no wind to complicate things. Monday evening was very important – and we didn’t need any obstacles thrown in the way. One-by-One meets each Monday; Bible Club happens weekly and this Monday was particularly important because we were going to give the opportunity for our kids to make the decision to give their hearts to the Lord. We have taught them for months about Jesus and what it means to be on the narrow road that leads to heaven (our theme this year is The Amazing Race). I didn’t want to cancel! I received a couple of phone calls expressing concern about the inclement weather, the bad roads, the possibility of temperatures dropping, ice forming, and driving being treacherous. Our tutors pick up all the children and perhaps it wouldn’t be safe or wise to transport other people’s children. Should we cancel? I talked to several, trying to assess the degree of risk on the roads. I said a quick prayer for guidance and waited until the last minute to decide. Interesting note: The men I talked to were unconcerned. No big deal. It’s just Minnesota driving. The women were cautious, concerned by the unplowed side streets and the possibility of worsening conditions. I opted to go vote masculine! Let’s go for it! A couple of hours later, I’m driving to church. The roads are perfect…wet, a little sloppy but definitely safety navigable. Thank you God! Seven children made the decision to give their hearts to the Lord in Bible Club. I’m so grateful that a little bit of Minnesota winter did not keep us from giving the angels in heaven a reason to party!

Truth Sets Us Free

I have been reminded again the last few days that we have an enemy who is dead set on our destruction. He wants us dead - spiritually and physically - or at least maimed and rendered ineffective. Our family has felt the heat of battle - both on the physical front (with Steve's persisting illness) and relationally as well. Fiery arrows found their mark, sad to say, and there were hurt feelings, harsh words and confusion. Fear was paralyzing. Somehow we had let down our guard. I'm so glad that Satan is a defeated foe, and although he does his damage at times, he has to hit the road when Jesus comes on the scene. And in our case, when we recognized that "our battle was not against flesh and blood, but against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm," the darkness lifted, peace returned, and there was reconciliation. I'm learning more and more that I need to put on my armor daily, to take every thought captive, resist the lies of the enemy and live and breathe Truth. The Truth really does set us free!